11 Ways To Stay Married
You've planned the hen party. You've sent out the wedding invitations. What about the whole marriage thing?
Fart in Front of Each Other
Let's get this biggie out in the open
straight off! The couple who fart together, stay together! Joking aside, I
reckon it genuinely does help if you can do this kind of stuff in front of your
husband and not feel like the most disgusting human being in the world. You
can't be in total control of absolutely everything 24/7. He's your husband,
come on! And take it from someone who's been there: if you can't fart in front
of him, he's going to get one hell of a shock if you're planning to have kids
and want him to be there for the birth!
Spend
Quality Time Together
Date night is lifesaver. Whether or not you
have kids. We're all busy. Work. Making sure you keep up with your friends. Nights
out and subsequent hangovers that can wipe out an entire day. Going to the gym.
Running the house. Calling parents. It all adds up. Sure you live in the same
house but that's not spending quality time together. It doesn't have to be
grand or amazing. Weekend breaks and holidays are great but they're not things
you do every day. Quality time just means taking time out to have fun together.
See a movie. Go to a gig. Play a game. Spend the afternoon in bed. Whatever
does it for the two of you.
Talk
About Stuff You Want to Try in Bed, Even if You Think They'll Think it's Weird
Intimacy is the capacity to
be rather weird with someone - and finding that that's ok with them."
Alain de
Botton
Want to keep having sex with the same
person for the rest of your life? Then it's probably a good idea to talk to
them about new stuff you might want to try in bed. If you're marrying the guy
you've been with for a while, chances are you know what he likes in bed, and
vice versa. If you're both cool with the way things are that's fine. But
getting in a rut in the bedroom can be bad news.
Do
Stuff On Your Own
"Absences
are a good influence in love and keep it bright and delicate." Robert Louis Stevenson.
Just because you're married doesn't mean
you mould into one being. The expression 'joined at the hip' is usually
accompanied by a roll of the eyes. Doing
stuff on your own is every bit as important as doing it together. 'Me' time
means just that. You're bound to enjoy stuff that makes your partner go 'meh'
and shrug. Do stuff by yourselves and you'll have fresh experiences and
different things to talk about with each other.
Be
Honest if He Does Stuff that Irritates You
There are habits you can live with and
habits you can't. If it's driving your nuts, don't leave it until it gets so
annoying it makes you scream. There is a constructive way to deal with pet
peeves that are becoming a problem. Maybe it's leaving the toilet seat up or
putting dirty washing next to the laundry basket rather than in it. Perhaps
it's nothing to do with day-to-day household stuff. Whatever it is, just say
it. In a nice, lighthearted kind of way. Something along the lines of: "I love
you but the whole teabag on the side of the sink thing? Yeah, that's gotta go!"
might just work and you might even end up sharing a laugh over it.
Forgive
and Actually Mean It
Not easy this one. I think Marlene Dietrich
had it right: "Once a woman has forgiven
her man she does not reheat his sins for breakfast." When you say the
f-word, that needs to be the end of it. No one likes having the things they've
done wrong dragged up for days, months and even years on end.
Don't
Let Things Fester
I suck at talking. Sharing emotions? Must
we? Really? Really? But I've had to
learn because it's one of the ways to stay married. I'm not talking about
bickering, everyone does that, you can't agree on everything. We've let the sun
go down on an argument plenty of times but the important stuff is always laid bare.
Make
an Effort to be Interested in the Things He Loves
My husband loves Nintendo. Mario World in
particular. I really don't. He's a total geek about loads of things I'm not
really interested in. That's just fine because it gives me pleasure to watch
him get animated and excited about those things. And you know what? It really
does work both ways. I'm interested in stuff that doesn't exactly fire his
enthusiasm. I love Formula 1 but he's not particularly bothered. He listens.
Actually listens. And maintains eye contact. He might be thinking about playing
Mario World for all I know, but at least he's making the effort.
Put
Your Phones Down
"U
ltimately,
the bond of all companionship, whether in marriage or in friendship, is
conversation." Oscar Wilde.
Think about how much time you spend
scrolling, uploading and commenting in one day. Most of us automatically reach
for our phones whenever we have a spare minute or two. Even when we don't. If
you catch yourselves sitting opposite each other in a restaurant scrolling away
instead of talking, it's probably time to put the phones away. Or even switch
them off!
Flirt
Remember when you first started going out
and you literally couldn't keep your hands off each other? That first heady
rush of lust kind of settles down after a while but flirting is a good way to
keep the spark nice and healthy. And it doesn't cost a thing. It makes the
other person feel good about themselves and once you start volleying little
flirts back and forth like a tennis ball, it's brilliant fun!
Do
What Makes You Both Happy
"Let us be grateful to the
people who make us happy; they are the charming gardeners who make our souls
blossom." Marcel Proust
It might sound a bit trite but one of the
simplest ways to stay married is to do what makes you happy. If you're not
happy you don't have a hope in hell of making anyone else happy. And I think
that when you get right down to it, that's what it's all about; both of you
making each other's lives easier and happier in all sorts of ways. I think
that's probably one of the best ways to stay married for longer than it takes
for the ink to dry on the register.
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